i received some horrible news from someone close to me last night letting me know that something terrible could have happened to them.
It brought back a flood of bad memories. i drank a ton of alcohol and did some crying. i'm exhausted today. The reality of what could have happened hit me. What this person did would have been exactly what i would have done, and that was to be put in a really bad, frightening and dangerous situation. i am not one to say no (as we know). i would say yes just to please. i really do think if i was in danger i would still say yes. i honestly don't think i would fight. i can be very aggressive, but i just don't know. Had me wondering a lot of the night.
i told Master about what happened and He told me He would never allow anything bad happen to me again. i know it might be weird for Him to say that considering the distance, but i believe Him. i know He would do everything in His power to make sure i was safe, and i think harm might come to someone who actually did hurt me. Just sayin'. Honestly, i really like that too.
i'm being punished for rushing the times i have been allowed to cum. i have to play with myself without toys for a half hour every night until further notice. i'm supposing this is a good way for me to start to find my body again and learn how to please it again. i hate doing it. it feels ok, but i cannot cum from just touching myself. And the amount of time is insane! How can one play with themselves for an entire half hour. Well i really mean how can i since i have such a hard time with it.
It was a hard week to catch up with Master and reconnect. i still feel like i am missing Him. i hope this weekend goes fast. Hate Friday. Seriously.
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